"Anantaboga" Preview 1+2 (edited, corrected, better)
Total posts: 5360
Total Earnings: $2334.03
reply date: 2009-05-08 06:57:46
UPDATE- A BIT OF A DELAY WITH PART 3 BUT I HOPE TO HAVE IT UP SOON
i know i said i would post part 3 with this but i have been doing some editing and correcting some spelling errors adding and cutting a few bits that didnt work.
But the truth was this post, even though only parts 1+2 is now bigger than what i expected.
well i wont spoil it for you but i added a little bit of comedy to the Book, the characters now act differently, i hint on another BRAND new character again based on a mod/admin at p2s.
again i'm sorry part 3 isnt here i know you wanted to finally meet captain Greenlants but more work needs doing.
ok so here is the BIGGER, BETTER, FUNNIER preview enjoy
Bramble was standing in a dark, cold, corridor, the only light coming from lanterns on the walls.
He looked at the large oak door that was before him, his heart pounding trying to gather the courage to open the door and enter the room.
Bramble was a strange man he was always wearing the same vile clothing, a bright purple stained coat with a stained shirt and proper baggy pants well they had to be baggy as Bramble was also a very fat man who smelt of rotting garbage. But one of Brambles main feature was he was a cold heartless killer, in fact he was an assassin, yes that’s right a very fat, smelly assassin.
Taking a deep breath Bramble pushed the door open and entered a large room, a throne room actually but without a throne. Although very wet, damp and cold with all the original tapestry’s removed leaving the walls bare the room was rather pleasant to Bramble and yes although the old bricks where covered in mould Bramble still liked it.
The only thing Bramble didn’t like however was the fact only metres away he could see his master staring out one of the old windows, all Bramble could see was the back of his hooded head.
Bramble ebbed closer to his master dragging his feet as he went fearing what his master would do, what his master would think of his failure.
Bramble bowed to his master and cleared his throat.
“Master?” asked bramble.
His master turned around his hooded head covered, his face covered in shadow.
Bramble bowed again and just waited to what his master would say.
After what seemed like hours of silence, but was in fact seconds, his master finally spoke in sneering, mocking tone.
“Bramble” his master sneered “Welcome back, I do hope you have succeeded in the job I sent you to do”
Bramble cleared his throat again and spoke.
“Well master....” Bramble stopped trying to think of the best words to use, “I erm.... failed”
His master just stood there staring and it made Bramble very uncomfortable.
“Bramble you know what happens when someone FAILS me” his master sneered.
His master pointed with his gloved hand right at Bramble, the ring on it starting to glow bright red.
“Master WAIT!! There was a complication. Please don’t, please I beg you!!” Bramble said as he fell to his knees begging.
His master stopped pointing his finger the ring stopped glowing and his master spoke.
“Oh really? Please tell Bramble I would love to hear how you failed to complete the simple task I set?” his master sneered in his evil tone.
Bramble hesitated then straightened up, brushing his knees, he didn’t know how his master would react to the news he was about to bring.
“Well master” bramble mumbled, “The artefact was gone”
Bramble lowered his head he could feel his master was looking right down on him.
“How Bramble?” his master sneered “it has been buried for a thousand years, HOW!?”
“I think someone found it master” Bramble mumbled.
His master spoke again but this time in a more sneering tone than ever.
“Oh great detective work Bramble” his master sneered sarcastically.
Bramble didn’t say anything and his master spoke again.
“Well Bramble it looks like things are going to get VERY interesting” he sneered.
His master turned around to look back out the old window and spoke again.
“I have another assignment for you Bramble” his master sneered
“Of course master you want me to find the artefact” Bramble replied.
“Actually no” his master sneered “I want you to find someone and bring him to me”
Bramble was confused who else could his master trust so much as to send them to get the artefact?
“What do you want me to do master?”Bramble asked.
“Like I said” His master sneered “find this man and tell him his master needs his service”
“Of course master what his name?” Bramble mumbled.
“Captain Greenlants” his master sneered “find him and bring him to me!”
“Of course master, right away master” Bramble mumbled
“And Bramble bring him to me unharmed!” his master sneered “or else it will be your life that pays!”
“Ok master” Bramble mumbled.
Bramble turned around and was making his was towards the large oak door but was stopped when his master spoke again.
“Oh and Bramble...don’t fail me” he sneered looking down at the ring on his gloved finger “next time you won’t be so lucky”
Bramble doubled his pace towards the door without making it look like he was running and once he got out quickly closed the door behind him.
He was now once again standing in the dark corridor with only lanterns keeping the walls visible and now only half of them were lit making it darker. Dark as it was, there was also had a very damp feeling about the air. Just like the rest of the castle and the walls were covered in moss and mould. The castle wasn’t a pleasant place but then again Bramble wasn’t a pleasant person and rather like this old castle.
So as Bramble stood in the corridor and thought about what had just happened.
Bramble feared his master because of that ring that could kill him, so Bramble decided he’d rather not be dead so decided to serve his master and live. However during the time he served his master he had killed countless many.
However this was the first time he had failed his master and Bramble believed he got VERY lucky, so not wanting to disappoint his master Bramble quickly started to walk through the maze of corridors until he finally reach his room.
As usual there was a guard stationed outside his door being full armoured and keeping very still, as Bramble approached the guard stamped his foot and the door opened.
As Bramble was about to enter the room Bramble stopped and said.
“I don’t suppose today you will FINALLY take of that helmet so I can finally see what you are?”
As Bramble had expected the guard kept very still.
“Didn’t think so” said Bramble.
Bramble had never seen the guards without their armour and he had never heard any of them speak, but somehow they could follow commands and spread the word to other guards.
“Well in that case, I want a horse ready and fully stocked with food, water and a little rum” commanded Bramble.
The guard just stood there but Bramble knew the word would be spread so Bramble just went ahead and entered his room.
It was a very simple if not dusty messy room, with lots of empty bottles of rum lying on the floor, the room only had a simple wooden bed which was dirty, and had a plain wooden chest lay in the corner. Bramble walked over to the hest which had bits of gold and other valuables in it, well if Bramble was going to murder people he might as well rob them, so he opened the chest and grabbed a few gold, silver and bronze coins and put them in his pouch he wore after that he reached back into the chest and took out a very pretty if not a very sharp knife.
This was Brambles special knife, made from solid gold it was the knife he first acquired from some rich old man that he was supposed to murder but he got away, the knife had a few precious gems in the hilt and although it was solid gold, the knife was never blunt and never needed sharpening, it was as Bramble put it a “magic knife”.
So he took this out and tucked it in his belt and although he was only in the room less than a minute he was already walking out.
The guard was still there when he left, it just stamped his foot and the door closed behind him.
Bramble walked through the maze of corridors yet again this time trying to get to the gate that will get him out the castle, after a few minutes he had arrived at the exit.
A large oak gate stood before him, it was 20 foot high and made from very strong wood, made even stronger by bars of steel that reinforced it.
There was a guard stationed by the gate, like the others keeping very still and being fully armoured, his face masked.
“Don’t suppose you’d care to show me what’s under that helmet you wear?” Bramble asked.
As Bramble expected the guard didn’t move he wondered if they would jump when surprised.
Bramble walked towards the guard and shouted right in the guards face, “BOO!”
Not even a flinch.
Bramble gave up but wasn’t going to give up.
“Oh I’m sorry if I shouted..... OPEN THE GATE!” Bramble shouted.
The guard didn’t flinch but just tilted its head slightly and the large gate started to open.
Creaking down in the loudest manner, like nails on a black board, the gate slowly started to open the large metal chains that supported it making the most terrible racket, the echo could be heard all over the castle.
When the gate fully opened and Bramble looked out he could see his horse fully packed with food, water, rum and a few more weapons.
So Bramble step out walked over the Bridge and entered a baron wasteland.
Everything around him was bare, full of dead trees and decaying bodies of animals and humans.
As soon as he set foot of the bridge the gate started to close behind him.
Bramble didn’t know how but somehow the guards had found a horse and fully stocked it.
So not wasting time Bramble stepped over to the horse and heaved his fat body onto it. The horse grunted.
“Oh shut it” mumbled Bramble “get a move on”
And the horse started at a slow pace which quickly turned into a gallop across the wasteland, looking over his shoulder Bramble took one last look at the castle and the last words his master said echoed in his mind in the same sneering tone.
“oh and Bramble don’t fail me, next time you won’t be so lucky”
ok that was it please comment and please please let me know if you find an error or spelling mistake so i can fix it.
part 3 will be posted the day i become platinum (next thurday or friday)
you dont want to miss part 3 because it is by far the best part and will be very funny. it has Greenlants in it so it HAD to be funny.
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reply date: 2009-05-17 06:17:56
that a good start agm keep going and you'll have a novel on your hand in no time well done mate 5*****
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reply date: 2009-05-17 15:13:34
o i was gettin realy excited i even marked my calander
|....and be a simple kind of man|
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reply date: 2009-05-17 16:40:26
thats a great start keep it up
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reply date: 2009-07-21 12:44:17
Someone contact publishers! That really has substance, very well done
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reply date: 2009-07-21 12:44:57
whoa thats long! But good
Points2shop is my specialty
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reply date: 2009-07-21 12:52:08